3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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