apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
