He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
sarcasm needs its own font
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
