i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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