Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
