wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
