we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
