It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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