just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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