I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
