So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
