I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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