She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
