HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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