She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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