what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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