Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
