i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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