So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
