we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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