Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
