in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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