I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
