no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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