Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
