Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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