I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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