Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
only if we run a train.
done.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Please don't give away my fajitas
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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