I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
