my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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