I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
