once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Bring me that man meat
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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