i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
