it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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