Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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