is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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