I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
