didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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