I'd wear matching sweaters with you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
