just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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