I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
