You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
