I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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