we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
