you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
