You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
