i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
