Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
