im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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