i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
