She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
These tits shall not be calmed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
